This week I have found myself resting comfortably in The Lull the Monday post spoke of. I say 'resting' and 'comfortable' because that is how I felt as I took a little step back from the breathlessness of my dreams and brought a few other things into focus.
When I read Monday's post it was just the permission I needed to take a breathe and a breather. It felt like a lot of things were conspiring to pull last week, pull me in directions, pull me apart. It was not the best of weeks, but it has been left behind and the terrible toothache of 2010 has been allieviated. The Monday post spoke to me in the call for more clearing and we decided it was high time to focus on the places in our home that have been neglected, have accumulated, have totally gotten away from us. And so that is where I started.
It is funny because a large part of my Mondo dreams center around leaving this home. Not permanently, never that, but being out and away and looser than is dictated by the California suburb where we currently reside. Having said that, I love our home with its myriad imperfections, unfixed holes in wall and uncased doorways that linger from all the home improvement we have done. It is a work in progress like myself, but lately it has lay in the shadow of child rearing and work juggling.
This week felt like a laser beam focus went into drive and we re-arranged toys to better conceal their presence, we planted and swept and stuffed generous bags full of clothes and books and sundry to give. There are spots still in flux, my sewing area is a favorite place of chaos. But still, the physical clearing has allowed me a lightness that I have not felt in years.
And this bathroom, our shared bathroom, the one where two semi-potty trained boys contribute to the chaos, where daily bath toys entangle with Mama's bath products. This bathroom got the scrub down of the century. I cannot even describe how enlightened I feel about this. And I vowed to light a candle in here daily.
It is nice to sit and see, to have sight lines that open new possibilities. There is always going to be a measured amount of disarray, I am not a tidy person, never have been, can aim at trying to be, but I would rather not fail. But this clearing is what I needed in order to open myself again.
And in taking a step into the Lull and focusing less on myself and more outside, I have discovered something so lovely. I had secret hopes that I would find a few like-minded dreamers by opening myself to Mondo and I have not been disappointed. In the weeks of this course, I have found that there are a few fellow dreamers that really resonate with me. It can occasionally feel like a lonely road, this heady dreaming stuff, and I am loving the fact that I have found JenP and Melbourne Kat in the same place, as really wonderful voices of encouragement but also really lovely voices period. It is a little public, but ladies, I just want to say thanks for being so present. And I look forward to continuing this newly discovered connection even as our class comes to its close next week.
Next step, a re-embrace of the lessons, a recap of the things I am learning, a continuation of rediscovering just what lurks in those darkened and unorganized spaces (and I am not talking about my head. Or maybe I am. But mostly I am talking about this closet).